Fake Dates, Third Wheels, and Other Services
by KitKatt0430
Summary: The story of how Mick Rory became a professional third wheel, when he's not being a firefighter that is.


Summary: The story of how Mick Rory became a professional third wheel, when he's not being a firefighter that is.

Notes: Written for my DC Gen Bingo prompt B2 - Aromantic Character

Loosely inspired by the aspec stories week 5 prompt. Though unlike in the prompt, Mick's fine with being a 'fake date' as long as its clear he isn't interested outside of work.

_**Fake Dates, Third Wheels, and Other Services**_

It starts innocently enough.

Mick was a regular at the coffee shop near the firehouse. A place called Central City Jitters, or just Jitters for short, and the baristas liked him. They knew his favorite orders and would ask him what sort of day he was having to determine what drink he was in the mood for.

They were never wrong.

Iris West was the one he saw the most often. She was a chatty blogger, aspiring journalist, college student, and had two very cute boyfriends, both of whom Mick knew vaguely through work since they were a CSI and cop respectively. (The fire department and the CCPD had a low key spring and fall rivalry over baseball and soccer.) Iris would put extra shots in his coffee gratis on bad days, so she was Mick's favorite, despite the chattiness. And, well, she reminded him a little of Lisa.

Anyway, some new guy comes in while Mick's waiting on his coffee one afternoon. Iris West's reaction to this guy is immediate, though subtle. Her posture stiffens, her eyes narrow, her hands shake just enough that she puts down the drink she's making to take a slow, steady, even breath.

Mick is ready to grab this twit by the scruff of his neck and chuck him out the door already. No one's even said a word yet, but Mick was itching to do it.

"Iris!" the man greets her, loudly, cheerfully, smug smirk on his face as he bypassed the line to stand on the other side of the counter from her. "Long time, no see."

"Tony," Iris responds with a teeth-clenched sort of air about her. Clearly unspoken are the words 'not long enough'.

Mick shuffles a step in her direction.

"Babe," the guy – Tony – starts leaning in and Iris looks like she's gonna spit nails. Her manager looks nervous – she's pretty young and slight too and if Tony, who is fairly built and tough looking, starts something the best she's going to be able to do is call the cops on him.

So Mick interrupts with, "Iris, hun, this guy bothering you?"

"Oh, Mick, seweetie," Iris exclaims, looking relieved. "This is Tony… um… sorry, I don't really remember your last name. What was it again?" There's a spark in her eyes that says she knows damn well what the twerps' last name is. She just winding the little bastard up now that she know she has back up. "Anyway," she mows over Tony's offended attempt to tell them his last name. "Tony went to high school with me and Barry. Used to bully Barry something awful, wouldn't respect when I'd say no to the copious amount of dates he'd ask me on. But I'm sure he's grown up since then, right?"

Mick's hand lands on Tony's shoulder. Tony might be a big guy, but Mick's bigger. More imposing. The burn scars on his face from when he was a teen really up the effect.

Tony swallows whatever the hell he was going to say.

"You gonna order anything, kid?" Mick asks.

"I, uh, yes, I w-"

"Then get in line." Mick gives him a little shove and Tony gets in line. Orders the cheapest drink on the menu – which is also the fastest drink to make – and escapes while clutching his drink like its a life line.

"You okay?" Mick asks Iris as he collects his own drink and leans against the counter.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Mick nods, returns to his table, and figured that was that.

It was not.

(A few days later, Barry and Eddie are at the coffee shop when Mick shows up. They get twin shit-eating grins on their faces and ask how their new boyfriend is doing. Mick explains in no uncertain terms how they're gonna regret everything next baseball season. As far as Mick knows, however, Tony never comes back to Jitters.)

* * *

About two weeks after the Tony incident, one of the other baristas came and sat down across from Mick, presumably on her break now.

"Um… I had a question for you," Kendra said, hands folding and unfolding nervously atop the table. Mick just raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side while he took a long drink from his coffee. "My high school is having its ten year reunion next week and my girlfriend is going to be out of town. I don't want to go alone because my ex-boyfriend was… he wasn't..." she looked away nervously. "I'm worried things will go badly. He was possessive. And there was this other guy who stalked me, but he's in jail now, so..."

"You want me to go as your fake boyfriend," Mick filled in.

Kendra nodded. "I know its a weird thing to ask, but after what happened with Iris and Tony..."

"Yeah, sure. Your girlfriend fine with you getting a fake date for this thing? Don't want her showing up the firehouse thinking I'm making moves on her girl," Mick asked, mostly teasing. If that happened, it'd be the funniest damn thing and Len would never let him live it down.

"She wants pictures if you can get me to dance," Kendra muttered, blushing. "I don't really like dancing, though."

"I'm not a dancer either." Mick pulled a small notebook out of front pocket, wrote his full name and number on there. "Text me the details for the reunion and our fake relationship."

Kendra brightened up as she took the slip of paper from him. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

* * *

The high school gym is poorly lit, decorated like 2005 called and wants its decorations burned instead of returned, and Mick gets mistaken for not one, not two, not three, but four different members of the football team. Never mind that he's clearly too old to have graduated in 2005. Mick's pretty sure the punch is spiked.

But its worth putting up with for that moment when Carter Hall shows up. He puts a hand on Kendra's arm, ignoring the way she cringes away.

"I'm seeing someone," she tells him when he asks her on a date, for old time's sake.

"It can't be serious, though," Carter insists. "We're soulmates, you and I."

Mick walks up with two cups of water – which he put in the punch cups instead of the clear water cups so that people will assume they're getting wasted like everyone else… without actually getting wasted like everyone else – and hands one off to Kendra before putting an arm around her shoulders and standing at just the right spot that Carter's forced to pull his arm back out of the way.

Mick and Kendra then do an impressive impression of a sickeningly besotted couple who've started throwing around words like 'marriage' and 'engagement' and 'ring sizes'.

Carter turns some hilarious shades of red, but doesn't cause a scene.

Kendra's high school friends are entertaining and a number of them seem to be aware that Mick is Kendra's beard for the night. He makes a few new acquaintances and points a few of them in the direction of Lisa's private hair salon. All in all, its a fun night.

(Once upon a time, Kendra was stalked by a teacher. She agreed to go out on a few dates with Carter, not realizing what the teacher was doing. Carter later saved her from her teacher's advances and the teacher was eventually sacked, arrested, and slapped with a restraining order to keep him away from Kendra. Carter, however, came to believe he was Kendra's knight in shining armor and they were meant to be. Kendra, however, figured out she was a lesbian and not really in to Carter at all. He never really took the hint.

Kendra's girlfriend insists on Mick coming over for dinner when she gets back in town. Sara Lance is a firecracker and Mick's glad Kendra's got someone who both cares about her boundaries and has mastered several martial arts. Girl's a trouble magnet, through not fault of her own, and needs someone around who can kick ass, just in case.)

* * *

After the high school reunion with Kendra, Mick finds himself attending an awkward family gathering with Shawna Baez, a fellow regular at Jitters, who doesn't want to explain to her parents that her real boyfriend is currently in jail. And not her boyfriend anymore, but that's another story. Then Charlie – a fellow firefighter – has a blind date go terribly wrong and they call him to scare the dude off as their 'over protective older brother'.

("We look nothing alike, Charlie," Mick points out, already putting his shoes back on and turning off his television. He's trying to remember if he left his keys on the kitchen table or the entry hall stand.

"So we'll say you're adopted. Or I'm adopted. Or its none of his damn business. Just get your ass over here now so I don't have to spend the night in jail for punching this asshat the next time he refers to me as 'she' not 'they'. Enby-phobic shitstain," they mutter, devolving into swearing.

Mick arrives, looks suitably imposing, scares the twerp off. "Why didn't you just tell him the date was over and then leave? You're already blocking his number, aren't you?"

"Because we get into a fight over it and I'm the one who'll get arrested. Fucking queer-phobic cops."

Mick nods and leaves it at that. He gets ice cream with them while they calm down.)

But its when a lovely brunette that Mick's never met before sits down in front of him at Jitters one day, asks if he's Mick Rory, and introduces herself as 'Dr. Caitlin Snow; I'm a friend of Iris West's' that Mick finally realizes that this has become a 'thing'.

* * *

"So, I'm thinking of starting a business," Mick said, dropping onto the couch at the fire station.

Len raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? What's that?"

"Sort of like a body guard/escort service. No sex on offer," Mick adds when it looks like Len's about to make a smart mouthed remark. "Just… I keep getting asked to be someone's fake date. Or fake brother, in Charlie's case. Seems like a niche that needs to be filled. You know… someone to help divert unwanted attention or unwanted assumptions. A sort of… professional third wheel."

"How much would you even charge for that sort of service?" Len asked, sounding interested despite himself.

"I'll figure out some hourly rate. What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea?"

"I say good idea. But good luck figuring out how to sort out the taxes for it."

Mick just rolled his eyes. He'd get Len to do it; joking aside, Len liked doing taxes. The weirdo.

* * *

The next time Mick walks into Jitters, he hands over a stack of business cards to the baristas.

"Professional third wheel service," Iris reads out. "The fake date or family member you need to make the irritating people in your life back the fuck off." She grins. "Want us to hand these out to potential clients?"

"If its not a problem," Mick replies. "This is all your fault, you know."

"I hear Caitlin's got a date for when her mom's in town this weekend," Iris responds with an unrepentant smirk. "What are your thoughts on being a fake date for a guy? Because Hartley Rathaway, Caitlin's coworker, wants to completely embarrass the hell out of his parents at some fund raising event at STAR Labs in a few weeks, but he and his boyfriend recently broke up."

"Caitlin's my last freebie," Mick told her. "If he can pay my rates and understands this ain't gonna be some Hallmark Movie thing between us, then I am perfectly happy to help upset his homophobic 'rents."

"That's perfect," Iris assured him with a smile, tucking a couple of his cards away in her pocket.


End file.
